I got chris browned last night
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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