how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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