I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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