I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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