We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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