If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
