Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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