Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
