You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
