we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
