Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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