please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
