if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
