I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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