she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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