Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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