you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
