Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
