let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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