He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
