I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
