why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
