I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
