If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
