Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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