so that wasnt chicken after all
Sober January is a disaster.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
