Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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