There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
home. puking in laundry basket.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
