Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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