is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Im part way to drunk.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
