Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
