U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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