the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
