I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
from now on my penis is your penis
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
