I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
