the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
