I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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