ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
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I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
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I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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