if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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