just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
