I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
