Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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