I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
