He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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