well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
