It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize