your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize