is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
