a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
