i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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