does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
