I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
