it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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