your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
no, he came in my armpit
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize