I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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