Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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