Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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