What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
