I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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