if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
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You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
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I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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