I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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