my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
