Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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