So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
