So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
