so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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