marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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