Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
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i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
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Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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