i already hear my dad disowning me
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
