5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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